


It Was Only a Chiss, How Did It End Up Like This

by skylerthelostboy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn - Timothy Zahn
Genre: M/M, Outbound Flight isn't canon anymore, Post-Canon, Trans Eli Vanto, this is my party and I'll change the ending if I want to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 05:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11373726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skylerthelostboy/pseuds/skylerthelostboy
Summary: Thrawn and Eli have feelings for each other. The feeling is friendship. // Eli takes a day off from his life on Csilla to visit Thrawn on the Chimaera.





	It Was Only a Chiss, How Did It End Up Like This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tentayena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentayena/gifts).



> This is dedicated to Spike who finally found an Imperial that I care about, you heck.

_I don’t know much about the Force, but I believe certain things happen for a reason. This wasn’t the path I would have chosen for myself, but I think it was the path I needed to follow. Living here beyond the Emperor’s reach has given me new perspective, but will it be beyond his reach much longer? The Empire is up to something. Thrawn must have suspected it. Was that why he sent me here? There is so much I don’t understand, but maybe I’m not meant to. Maybe this is where I’m meant to be._

It had been over a year since Eli Vanto arrived on Csilla to work under Admiral Ar'alani. It took him some time to gain the trust of the Chiss Ascendancy, but he was eventually offered a position with the Expansionary Fleet where he could command exploratory missions and work to integrate the frontier planets’ commerce with Csilla’s. He excelled at it, and more importantly, he enjoyed it. Even so, it was hard not to think of his life with the Imperial Navy, and his time with Thrawn. He had plenty of official reason to keep up with Thrawn’s career, as the Ascendancy liked to keep an eye on the Grand Admiral, but his personal loyalties were no secret. Between missions he had been tracking Thrawn’s location, piecing it together from bits of transmissions and second-hand knowledge, and he’d finally pinned him down to a nearby system.  

The journey between planets gave Eli time to think. Too much time, perhaps. He had been so determined to find Thrawn that he hadn’t had a chance to think about why they hadn’t spoken. Now that he did, he debated turning back. He could recite Thrawn’s journal front to back at this point, and he thought he had learned everything he was meant to, but maybe it was a goodbye. Eli steeled himself against that possibility. He would know soon, and either answer was better than the uncertainty.

Eli dropped out of hyperspace near Ord Mantell and was relieved to see the  _Chimaera_ still in orbit _._ He looked out at the capital ship fondly. He knew he did not have proper Imperial clearance codes, none that were still in use anyway, and would not typically be allowed to board a high-security Star Destroyer. But the  _Chimaera_ was hardly a typical Star Destroyer, and Eli was hardly a typical visitor. Almost immediately, a transmission came through.

“This is the  _Chimaera_. You have entered Imperial space, state your business and identification.”   
“Copy,  _Chimaera_ , this is Eli Vanto. Is the Grand Admiral available?”  
“State your business,” the officer repeated.  
“Hayiko unindawo khohlisayo.”  _‘Not all legends are false.’_ The Sy Bisti was both a question and a challenge. A younger Eli would have felt uneasy at bypassing the chain of command, but he knew if Thrawn was on board, he’d be listening.  
“Commander Vanto,” Thrawn answered after a moment. “You are cleared to board.”   
“Thank you kindly,” Eli said, and he meant it. 

Thrawn had once asked him about his legends of the Chiss, but he had found that Thrawn’s own stories had a trace of fantasy as well. Eli knew Thrawn’s mention of rank was as deliberate as his own omission of it.  _Not all legends are false._ Maybe he’d made a name for himself in the Navy after all- or at least, the stories about the two of them had. He should have known that Thrawn would reflect his question back onto him, indirect as it was. Some things never change.

Inside the  _Chimaera_ , Eli examined his surroundings more out of habit than concern. The crew was calm and the planet’s pinkish hues were visible through the viewport. It was a rare, quiet day. An officer approached as Eli disembarked. He was an Ensign, barely old enough to have graduated, and Eli wondered if he’d also once looked so naive.

“Commander Vanto,” the Ensign said nervously, “you have been requested to wait here until Admiral Thrawn has finished with his duties. I will then escort you to the bridge.”   
“I appreciate your assistance, but it won’t be necessary,” Eli replied dismissively.  
“I’m sorry sir, but that’s not an option,” the Ensign insisted. “I have my orders.”   
“I’m sure you do.” Eli shrugged. “Well, you’re welcome to follow, but I have no plans to wait for a summons. I know Thrawn better than that.”  _At least,_ Eli thought,  _I hope so._  

Eli still knew the layout of the  _Chimaera_ by heart and strode off toward the bridge. He made small talk with the increasingly flustered officer as he tried his best to hide his own nerves. He had made the same walk hundreds of times, but it felt different this time.  _What if I’m not welcome?_ No, if he wasn’t welcome, he wouldn’t have been allowed to board. Or assigned such a low-ranking escort, one who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else than there with Eli.

“Commander Vanto,” Thrawn greeted him as they entered. Eli relaxed at the warmth in his voice.  
“Admiral Thrawn. It's good to see you well.”  
“And you, of course.” Thrawn’s gaze paused briefly on Eli’s Defense Fleet insignia, but he continued without comment. “Though I admit, your arrival was unexpected.”  
“I was in the area,” Eli replied casually. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”   
“Nothing that can not be postponed.” Thrawn turned his attention to the officers that had gathered around them. “My apologies. This is my good friend, Eli Vanto.”  

Murmurs rippled through the crowd at his introduction. Eli wasn’t surprised. He doubted they had heard Thrawn claim anyone as a friend before, and a few of the more senior officers seemed to recognize his name. He was glad that the time apart hadn’t tarnished Thrawn’s memories of him. Now that they were together again, he didn’t know why he’d been so anxious.

“I’m glad to be here. I’ll be as-” Eli stopped suddenly, brows furrowed.  
“Commander Vanto?” Thrawn asked. Eli said nothing.  _Ngehko._  He remembered the word in Sy Bisti, but not in Basic. Given the opportunity, he would have chosen to die on the spot.   
“Commander Vanto?” Thrawn asked again.  
“ _Ngehko_.” Eli said it with such irritation that it could have been a curse.  
“Unobtrusive?” Thrawn supplied anyway. It was somehow worse that his satisfaction was so subtle that Eli knew the officers didn’t notice.   
“Unobtrusive. I’ll be as unobtrusive as possible.”  

Eli felt the blush reach his ears. He could not believe that he’d made such a simple mistake, and he couldn't bear Thrawn's silent smugness so soon after their reunion. There was no point in trying to explain himself. It was not an argument he could win, and he knew he’d be hearing about it for years.

“Commander,” Thrawn said with a sudden seriousness, “I call krayt spit.”   
“Excuse me?” The officers looked at each other in disbelief, and for once, Eli couldn’t believe it either.  
“It’s a slang term for nonsense,” Thrawn said, stone-faced as ever. “Especially nonsense that the speaker-”  
“I know what it means.”   
“I apologize. My meaning is that you’ve never been one for unobtrusiveness.”   
“Is that so?” Eli asked sarcastically. “You’re hardly one to talk.” 

Thrawn returned to his immediate duties and sent his crew back to their stations. Eli waited patiently; the bridge was familiar to him, and he was content to watch the buzz of activity, though it felt odd to be so disconnected from its happenings. They existed in silence for some time, but Thrawn’s behavior spoke for itself- a report left open, records of their future assignments kept onscreen for a moment too long- small actions that Eli knew were for his benefit, so that he could take note of the information without Thrawn’s official involvement.

After a few hours, they excused themselves and returned to Thrawn’s quarters. It looked much like Eli remembered, this time with holographs of Mantellian sculpture lining the walls. He had developed an aesthetic appreciation for art from his years with Thrawn, but he never quite understood how Thrawn could derive battle strategy from their designs. He was a bit startled to see a sapling in the far corner with a creature he didn’t recognize clinging to one of its branches. He decided not to ask.  

“Have a seat, Commander.” Thrawn gestured to a burgundy chair. Eli had once joked that it matched Thrawn’s eyes, but now he realized it matched the flash of color in his own uniform. “I trust you are still comfortable here.”   
“Of course. But please, I’m not Navy anymore. Call me Eli.”   
“I am, however. You’ll have to forgive me.” He paused a moment. “...Commander.”  

Eli wasn’t sure just how much of his reluctance was formality and how much was his attempt at humor. He rolled his eyes. It had taken him years to pick up on the subtleties of Thrawn’s personality, but it had ended up being invaluable experience for his new career. He and Thrawn spoke a bit about their recent missions, both of them leaving out some of the more confidential aspects, and Eli felt like he could relax for the first time since he’d left.

“I must confess,” Thrawn said after a few minutes, “I have missed your presence here.”  
“You’ve-” Eli started, but a chime from the comm unit cut him off. He was almost grateful he wouldn’t have to form a response just yet.  
“Sir, you’re needed on the bridge.”  
“Of course,” Thrawn replied. He looked at Eli with an apology he’d never say, and he knew Eli understood. “If you’ll excuse me. Feel free to reacquaint yourself with the  _Chimaera_  in my absence.”

He was tempted to follow, but didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Not so early in the day, anyway. Instead, he made his way to the mess hall. It wasn’t gourmet by any stretch, but it had a familiarity that the cuisine on Csilla lacked. The constant noise of the  _Chimaera_  put him at ease and he sat down at an empty table near the door with a plate piled high with his old favorites.  

It was a welcome distraction from the quiet of his office, and he enjoyed the anonymity the mess hall awarded him. He worked on the last of his reports from his recent stint in the Kinoss system and found himself wondering if Thrawn had traveled the same routes Eli had been assigned. When he glanced at his chrono, he realized it had been over an hour since Thrawn had left for the bridge. He got up to leave, but on his way out, he noticed the officer who had accompanied him in from the hangar. 

“Oh, Ensign!” He waved him over. “I wanted to thank you, but I didn’t catch your name.”  
“Dalvin, sir, but there’s no need to thank me.” He was polite, but Eli got the distinct feeling he was uncomfortable with the attention. “Just following orders.”  
“Following orders is all you’re good for,” a voice said. One Eli recognized but couldn’t place. “Right, boy?”   
“Yes sir, Lieutenant Gimm,” Dalvin mumbled.   
“Lieutenant  _Gimm_ , is it?” Eli spun around, suddenly glad he’d attached his Navy insignia plaque to his chest as a precaution. It didn’t match the uniform, but he doubted Gimm would notice. “I see you’re still bullying Ensigns for sport.”   
“Excuse me?” Gimm glared at Eli. “What did you say?”  
“You don’t recognize me, do you?” Eli asked calmly.   
“Should I?”   
“I would have thought so. It has been a few years, I admit.”   
“Commander…” Gimm’s eyes bounced between Eli’s rank bar and face as the realization slowly hit him. “Commander  _Vanto?_ ”  
“Yes, Lieutenant?”   
“I- uh- I didn’t mean anything by it.”   
“I didn’t mean anything by it,  _sir_ ,” Eli corrected.  
“I didn’t mean anything by it,  _sir_ ,” Gimm repeated bitterly.   
“That’s better. Good day, Lieutenant.” He turned to leave. “And to you, Ensign,” he added.  

 _I guess Thrawn was right,_ Eli thought.  _So much for unobtrusive._ He left the mess hall and decided to join Thrawn on the bridge. He’d given ample time for Thrawn to react if there was an immediate threat, but there had been no change in momentum from the crew, so he decided Thrawn must be tied up in something more bureaucratic. And if that were the case, Eli would not be out of place. He stopped by the hangar to retrieve the gift he’d brought back from Csilla and then headed up.

An array of officers stood opposite Thrawn on the bridge. Eli didn’t recognize many of them, but they spoke to Thrawn with a respect that must’ve been earned, not just demanded by rank. He took his default position on Thrawn’s right without hesitation. He listened for further bits and pieces of information that may be of use, but that wasn’t why he was there. He was there for Thrawn. And, he realized, for the comfort of being at Thrawn’s side.

“One last matter of business,” Thrawn announced. “Some of you have already met Commander Vanto. I am pleased to say he will be staying with us tonight, and I trust you all will make sure he feels welcome.”

Thrawn smiled at Eli. It was a small smile, but genuine, and Eli grinned back. The officers’ shock was evident. They were not used to their stoic Grand Admiral showing affection at all, especially not so candidly. Eli took the opportunity to reach into the bag he’d obtained from his ship and brandished a clear bottle filled with an iridescent liquid.

“Ikhozamandi?” Thrawn asked, one eyebrow raised almost imperceptibly.  
“Yes sir, pure Chiss firewater. I figured a memory of home might be good for us.”  
“You may be right in that, Commander.” Thrawn didn’t know if Eli had said ‘us’ on purpose. For once, he wasn’t sure how he felt. He turned to the officers. “Would you care to join?”

Most of the senior officers and a few brave junior officers followed them to a nearby conference room where Eli poured shots for everyone, chatting happily about his time in the Navy. Eli’s time on Csilla appeared to have bolstered his confidence, and now that he was back on the  _Chimaera_ , it came off just shy of cocky. Thrawn didn’t mind. He may have even been enjoying it, but he wouldn’t let Eli know that.

“Izuwana!” Eli cheered. ‘ _Fools_.’ There was no guarantee the officers didn’t speak Sy Bisti, but it was a risk Eli was willing to take. He raised his glass and the others followed suit.   
“Izuwana,” Thrawn repeated dutifully.

Thrawn hid his amusement well, but Eli knew his complicity was deliberate. Thrawn downed the shot, enjoying the warmth that followed. Eli knocked back his shot easily as well with a shake of his head. Then, much to Thrawn’s surprise, he took a second shot with no hesitation. The rest of the officers were not so resilient. Firewater was stronger than an average Corellian brandy, and after a drink or two, most of them stumbled to their quarters. Thrawn poured another round of shots for the remaining group. Eli had strengthened his tolerance considerably in his year on Csilla, but his inebriation was starting show through.

“Commander Vanto, I’m excited to finally meet you,” one of the officers said, his speech only slightly slurred. “The Admiral has told me a lot about you.”   
“Has he now?” Eli looked at Thrawn. “I didn’t figure you one for nostalgia.”  
“Only when it has strategic importance.” Thrawn took another shot. He was starting to feel it too, but he was better at hiding it. “I’m sure Commander Pellaeon would agree.”  
“Y’ain’t fooling me, Mitth'raw'nuruodo.” Eli glared at him, but Thrawn looked downright pleased.  
“That might be the nicest thing you’ve said to me, Commander Vanto.”   
“I’m insulting you.”   
“Yes, but you used my full name to do it.”  

Eli couldn’t decide if Thrawn’s reaction was authentic or not, but he couldn’t help but laugh either way. He couldn’t recall ever having used Thrawn’s full name- no one outside of the Chiss did, except the Emperor- and was a little surprised at himself.

“What can I say?” Eli shrugged and gave Thrawn the cheesiest grin he could muster. “I aim to please.”

Eli went back to reminiscing about their adventures with Pellaeon. Thrawn listened with amusement, choosing not to correct the embellished details. He knew a good portion of his success was due to Eli’s understanding of how the Empire functioned, and he wanted to let Eli have his moment of glory. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Eli’s datapad was blinking. He picked it up from the table to hand over, but the preview of the message was too intriguing to ignore.

          From: Admiral Ar’alani [ar.alani@cdef.asc]  
          To: Crahsystor Mitt'elivan'tobuntu [mitt.elivan.tobuntu@cdef.asc]  
          Cc: Syndic Mitth'ras'safis [mitth.ras.safis@cdef.asc]  
          Subject: RE: Kinoss Report 33:8:16

Thrawn, for the first time since he was a boy, couldn’t contain himself.  _Mitt'elivan'tobuntu._ Eli had created a fake Chiss name for his position on Csilla, Thrawn realized. He supposed it made political sense, but the reality of it was hysterical to him. Eli had taken the Eighth Ruling Family name which, Thrawn could admit, did make sense with Eli’s position with the Chiss Defense Fleet. He’d kept his given name, modifying it to fit into the naming structure of the Chiss. But it was the second family name that pushed Thrawn over the edge. Eli had taken the Sy Bisti word for ‘human’ as the last part of his name, and Thrawn’s self-discipline evaporated. He laughed harder than he had in years.

“Can I ask what you find so amusing, Admiral?” Eli asked with an obviously fake air of nonchalance.   
“Nothing of importance, Mitt'elivan'tobuntu.” Thrawn still failed to contain his laughter and his face had flushed a deep violet.  
“Remind me, Admiral,” Eli said sourly, “why did I leave to come see you again?”  
“Because, Commander Vanto,” Thrawn said, trying to regain his composure, “you missed me terribly.”

Eli hated that he was right, even if he was joking. He had spent a long time resenting Thrawn, but he had spent longer appreciating him. He thought he’d missed the Navy and the structure and meaning it had given to his life, but he realized it had all been because of Thrawn. He would never have developed into the man he’d become otherwise. Thrawn had seen something in him that he hadn’t seen in himself. Eli wondered if the crew of the _Chimaera_ recognized the rarity of the commanding officer they’d inherited. Sure, Thrawn’s tactics were unusual, but they were brilliant if one could follow the reasoning behind them. Eli hadn’t understood the significance of that understanding, it had been so natural to him. He selfishly hoped Thrawn hadn’t found anyone to replace him in that aspect. At least not yet.

The remaining officers returned to their quarters after a while and Thrawn led Eli to the accommodations he’d had prepared. Eli felt a bit peculiar staying aboard the _Chimaera_ as a guest. He knew he had to leave in the morning, but part of him wished Thrawn would ask him to stay. They both knew he couldn’t, though, and it would be hard enough saying goodbye as it was. Maybe it was better this way. He looked upon Thrawn with a fondness he wouldn’t normally allow himself to show, but it was just the two of them now. It was seldom that they had a moment alone, and Eli wished it could last forever.

“I’m glad to have seen you,” Eli said softly.  
“I missed you too, Eli.” Thrawn wasn’t sure if his confession was for Eli’s benefit or his own. “I will be sad to see you go.”  
“Just remember,” Eli replied as he turned to leave, “if one is remembered by a friend, one is never truly gone.”


End file.
